There are a small number of decisions that should be made at the very start of the planning process, because many other choices will rest upon them. The tricky part is that sometimes they are so interwoven that it is difficult to know which one decision to make first! But, here they are, and I suggest you just make in-roads, and things will begin to fall into place.
1. Style and Formality
1. You must think very early in the process about what style of wedding you want, and how formal or informal an affair it will be. In terms of style, do you long for a quaint country wedding or a sophisticated society bash? This decision sets a tone for the entire wedding, and all decisions will be related to this choice. In particular, the type of invitation you send will convey something to your guests about the style of your wedding, and thus, the way they should dress for the occasion. You will be making decisions about your own (and your attendant's) attire soon as well, and these features should all reflect the same style and level of formality. The level of formality is related (in terms of "official" etiquette, that is) to the time of day of your wedding and reception. For example, a very formal wedding is not usually held in the middle of the day.
2. Type of Reception
2. You should decide what type of food service and overall "feeling" you are looking for at your reception. Will the reception be indoors or outdoors or both? Are you thinking about a sit-down meal, a buffet, or a cocktail reception on the terrace? Do you foresee yourself and your guests dancing, enjoying the bar and sitting down to a five course dinner, or do you imagine volleyball and croquet on the lawn, with a barbecue and a keg of beer? These preferences dictate the type of setting you will choose for your reception and may increase or reduce certain limitations involved with the reception facility (whether or not they provide food, service, etc).
3. Number of Guests
3.You will need to have some idea of How Many in order to determine a rough budget, and to look at facilities and catering in the near future, you will need to have a basic idea of how many guests (you can start by narrowing it down to large—more than 150, or small—less than 50). You also need to determine how you will divide up the guest list in terms of how many guests each "host" can invite. One way is to determine the maximum or optimum number of people you can invite, and then decide how many people each person can invite. In some cases, each set of parents may invite one-third, and the bride and groom invite one-third. Or perhaps one-third each for the bride and the groom, and the parents can invite the rest. The best advice—decide on a total number and get agreement from everyone that they will stick to it! (Otherwise, you will probably see the total number inching up and up, as people keep thinking of "just one more person" to invite!)
4. Budget
4.Talk with the families to determine who will pay for what. For a traditional division of expenses, check out our "Who Pays For What?" article, and adjust according to your own, and your families' bank accounts and values. If one set of parents are paying for most expenses, it may make the most sense to ask them to tell you how much they are willing and able to spend overall. This allows the bride & groom to make a budget and allocate the money as they see fit, rather than requesting a dollar amount for each line item. This takes some of the emotional content out of the process. Barring this, at least have a target amount that you want to spend. If you find expenses are overshooting this, adjust accordingly.
5.Time of year
5.What seasonal special features are you looking for? Would you like your ceremony in a garden with lots of flowers in bloom? Do the crisp air and colors of the Fall foliage spell romance for you? Or are you more entranced by a candlelit ceremony with bridesmaids dressed in red velvet? Plan accordingly, and know that some seasonal features are highly sought-after, which means planning farther in advance. Think about the amount of time you need for planning your wedding, and work in your desired season/time of year leaving yourself enough time to plan, or adjusting your expectations to account for a shorter time frame, if needed.
